


door hangin’ off the hinges

by squishitude



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Also Dave drives like a grandma, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Dave writes sci-fi because I say so, M/M, Not included but Dave is abs friends w luther, Started off as stream of consciousness from whiny [REDACTED] barista, and Luther helped him w moon research for his book, ended in soft Klave??, gestures vaguely, hes an adorable little nerd okay!!, he’s v serious abt road safety, loosely, no plot here just fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:41:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28337127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squishitude/pseuds/squishitude
Summary: “I am gonna lose my FUCKING mind,” Klaus wants to scream into the sky, but he instead furiously whispers to himself.He’s standing in the open doorway between the back room sinks and the front of house, hands on his head and staring into the lobby with steadily building horror as more and more customers shuffle in.It’s fucking Happy Hour.——Aka Klaus suffering at work but it’s all okay bc Dave brings him lunch :)This is all fluff, babey
Relationships: Klaus Hargreeves/David "Dave" Katz
Comments: 14
Kudos: 46





	door hangin’ off the hinges

**Author's Note:**

> I just wanted soft AU Klave and this is what happened  
> Enjoy??

“I am gonna lose my FUCKING mind,” Klaus wants to scream into the sky, but he instead furiously whispers to himself. 

He’s standing in the open doorway between the back room sinks and the front of house, hands on his head and staring into the lobby with steadily building horror as more and more customers shuffle in.

It’s fucking Happy Hour™️. Buy One Get One Free, for almost any drink, from 2-7pm.

In the middle of a FUCKING pandemic.

It is 1:58pm. 

People are lining up and the flood of orders is gonna come in two minutes and Klaus wants to D I E.

Or commit 14, 15, 16— swift and consecutive murders. Depends on the vibes, how the planets aligned, and what he eats on his lunch break—if that ever comes.

Physics suddenly says “fuck you specifically” as some otherworldly force shoves into his back. Klaus squawks and turns, ready to fight the void— oh it’s just Ben.

“Quit your bitching and get on bar. It’s two,” his coworker deadpans as he shoves past Klaus to the register. Klaus stands and watches as Ben and the soccer mom in line try to understand each other through their respective face masks and the clear shield between them. 

_Though her fucking mask is pushed under her nose and oh is that mercury going into retrograde? Then Klaus is no longer responsible for his actions—_

_“KLAUS.”_

_“GOD okay—,”_

_————————————_

5:30pm and Klaus FINALLY gets his lunch break, still pissed that the ten he was supposed to take an hour and a half ago got skipped due to the sheer amount of fuckery afoot in this coffee hellscape. 

_And yeah yeah he knows he’s lucky they can get paid ten minute breaks at all in this capitalist ruin but he’s getting old okay his fucking knees are creaking like the ancient stairs at his father’s ~~crypt~~ house, ~~may he rest in pestilence.~~ _

He steps out the back door, rips off his mask , and takes in a breath of mildly polluted air, holding a sad, bagged breakfast sandwich in hand, on his way to sit at the rickety old table by the dumpster. He’s turned that area into a little nest of his own where he perches to smoke a cigarette on the rusted stool that has nails sticking out of the seat like a minimalist Iron Maiden. Not a bad set up, he only had to get a tetanus shot once. 

The musty evening dumpster silence is broken by a call ringing out, “Oh my god, is that a human raccoon??”. Klaus’ head snaps in the direction of the parking lot before a cheeky grin spreads on his face. 

“Don’t act so surprised, I’m in my natural habitat over here, subsisting off cigarette butts and moldy bagels.” Klaus replies easily as he eyes his husband getting out of their 1985 Chevy Blazer. 

It wasn’t a particularly nice car anymore: the orange and white paint had peeled off in several places, revealing the metal underneath, the back window had been broken at one point and poorly duct-taped back into place, there wasn’t a single hubcap left on any of the wheels, and the air conditioning cut off every time they hit a bump, but Klaus still loved the hunk of junk. 

Dave had picked him up in Ol’ Bessie on the night of their senior prom. Klaus had had to sneak out of his second story bedroom window, and while Klaus’ brother Diego had agreed to look out for their dad, he had also stipulated that “If you fall and break your ass I didn’t see shit.” 

He only bruised his ass a little so it was all okay. 

Klaus dove in through the passenger side window and got stuck halfway in and had to shimmy in awkwardly. His dramatic yelling of “Drive, drive, drive!!” also lost its steam when Dave chuckled and made Klaus sit up properly and buckle his seatbelt before putting it in drive and going 5 miles under the speed limit the whole way. 

They didn’t actually go to prom, in those days it would’ve been social suicide. No, they drove a couple miles outside of town to the lake and drank a six-pack of Coors Light, that Dave had paid his older cousin for, under the stars. 

They’d talked for hours that night about skipping town together the moment they graduated, getting away from Klaus’ father and Dave’s stifling, homophobic parents. They traded various fantasies bout getting a little fixer upper house with a porch cat for Klaus and a lapdog for Dave, and then got into Dave’s plans for what would surely become his bestselling sci-fi series. 

The stars in Klaus’ eyes that night could’ve outshined those in the sky as he’d gazed dreamily at Dave as he talked about the pros and cons of using the typical grey aliens in media, realizing right then, after 10 months of dating, that he was in LOVE love. 

Soon after Klaus had taken Dave’s hand, lifting a brow and leading him into the covered bed of the SUV, where they may or may not have lost their virginity soon after. 

It was easily one of the best nights of Klaus’ life, and he associates that memory so strongly with Ol’ Bessie that he’d do anything to keep her. And after all these years of wear and tear she’s still going strong, and so are he and Dave. 

His man has to put some extra oomph to get the driver’s side door shut before he saunters over to Klaus in those tragic khaki shorts that Klaus is sure are the sole reason someone else hasn’t snatched him up over the years. As he gets closer, Klaus spies a paper bag in his hand. 

“Aww did you bring me lunch? And here I just got full from all the trash.” Klaus smiled, hands reaching out in a grabby motion for the bag. 

Dave pulled it out of his reach,”Oh really?” he challenged, “Guess I’ll just have to eat it myself, then.” 

“Nooo!!” Klaus fake cried before Dave chuckled and bestowed upon him his prize: a dairy-free calzone from that little Italian place on Fifth Avenue . “Ahh I knew I kept you around for a reason,” Klaus said as he tore into his meal not unlike an actual raccoon. Maybe they really are distant relatives? 

“The _only_ reason?” 

“Well, no, you got a cute butt, too.” Klaus replied, mouth full. Dave reached over and wiped some tomato sauce off Klaus’ upper lip before tasting it himself. 

“So, how’s it going?” 

“Ugggghhh,” Klaus groaned, “ _Awful_. It’s like they’ve all forgotten there’s a pandemic, they just pile in like one big cesspool of disease. We had to call the cops because Big Joe showed up again when he knows he’s banned and started harassing some girls. Another guy called me a stupid bitch, because I told him we couldn’t give out water for free. Not to mention all the testy Boomers that waited in a twelve person line to order, yet are pissed when their drinks aren’t done in two minutes. There’s been an hour long wait on orders this whole time that only JUST started to slow down in time for my break. And my wrist is all tingly. Gonna have to wear that dorky arm brace next time I work.” He hummed before leaning his head on Dave’s shoulder, Dave wrapping his arm around Klaus’ back. “I wish we could just get paid leave, so that we wouldn’t have to deal with all this shit right now.” he sighed, before lifting his head. “What about you? How’s the writing going?” 

Dave perked up, “Really good, actually! I finished two chapters today! I still have to do some editing, but all in all I got a lot done. I just got to the part where they land on the moon and they’re almost to the facility—,“ he continued, happy to info-dump about his passion and Klaus happy to see him enjoying himself. 

Dave had in fact started writing his sci-fi series and already had one book published. While it wasn’t a bestseller, it still did really well considering he’s not a big name author(yet), and his publisher greenlit a trilogy. He’s already halfway through the first draft of the second book, and he’s on track to finish it by summer. 

Klaus finishes his calzone and checks the time on his phone. “Nooo, I have to clock back in in two minutes.” he whined. 

“Only a few more hours and you’ll be home.” Dave reassured him. “I might even have a little something-something for you when you get back.” He teased. 

“Oh?” Klaus questioned, wrapping his arms around Dave’s neck loosely and pulling their faces close. “Is it a _sexy_ something?” He planted a soft kiss on Dave’s lips, one that promised more later. 

“Guess you’ll have to find out,” Dave winked and gave him a smooch before they separated. 

“ _Ooh, fun~_ ,” Klaus picks up the bag holding his uneaten breakfast sandwich, planning to force it upon a coworker. Dave followed him for the short walk to the back door, which Klaus cracked open and glanced into and thankfully saw a mostly empty lobby. “Want a cold brew Mr. Mysterio?” Klaus asked, already knowing the answer. 

“Hmm, I suppose,” Dave played coy, as Klaus always gets him a free drink when he visits. 

Klaus slithered in and came back out a minute later with his usual, a cold brew with two Sweet N’ Lows and a splash of cream. Giving Dave one last peck, and then two or three more, he said, “Be safe, okay? I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” Dave smiled. “Bess has been giving me attitude all day, but I reckon we’ll get back just fine.” 

“Give her a smack on the ass for me, and then she’ll behave.” Klaus commanded and then waved him off, and as Dave reached the SUV he did as instructed and gave two swift slaps above the back tires, and then raised his eyebrows suggestively at Klaus before getting in. 

He turned the key and she started right up on the first try, as evidenced by Dave raising his arms in a little “yay!” motion. Klaus shrugged his shoulders with a smirk as a “What did I tell ya?” before blowing a kiss, and Dave was off, going a whopping five miles an hour in the parking lot and being overly cautious with his turns. 

God, Klaus loved his little nerd. 

Suddenly, his day felt a whole lot brighter, and he was reinvigorated to take on the rest of the evening. _He better save some energy for tonight, too—_

A nagging voice broke through his blissful fantasies, ”KLAUS. Stop macking it and come back. You’re five minutes late.” 

Klaus rolled his eyes fondly and made his way back in, launching the breakfast sandwich at Ben, “First of all, you’re not my MOM—,” 


End file.
